Dude, there are too many pauses where NOTHING happens and they are too LONG, besides that the grammer is awful, it wouldn't hurt to respell, i can understand if english isn't your native language (it isn't mine) but goddamn it boy, use GOOGLE! the idea in itself isn't too great either and the execution of the story is bad.
what really won was the animation which was good enough but too... friggin... SLOW...
now don't hate me, i don't hate you, but you really need to check up on your stuff, watch them again and again and say to yourself "is this crap good enough?" "will people like this?" and THEN you'll achieve awesome results :)